i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
