8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
