i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
