i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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