Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
