I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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