I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
