bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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