I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
