I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
