i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
