To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my shit smells like andre
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
