I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can text with my tongue
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
