If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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