I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
