I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't deserve a penis
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
