did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
