No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
