This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
