everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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