just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
