the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
