i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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