I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
