I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
