i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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