So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
