i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
