grandma shit on top of the toilet
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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