Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
