In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
