I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
