I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
