I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
