return my video game
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
