$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
