I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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