So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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