I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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