I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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