After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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