it's too hot outside to masturbate.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
