I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
