If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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