Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I deserve this hangover.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
