Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
