you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
