you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
