I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
