it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
