dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
