you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
