I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
