why didn't you poke me back
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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