dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
