He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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