I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
