Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My dick has a subreddit
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
