Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I cockslap morals
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize