I love black thongs
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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