Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
