I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
