Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
