Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
