A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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