I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
