No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
