the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
