you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
