he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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