Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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