I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
