If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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