FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
