Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
