I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so explain again why im purple
no
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
