Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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