What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
