So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
