you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
