i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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